ALLIGATOR
A
Antelope went missing after Aardvark’s tire burst
Axolotl lost his bottle
So I guess I’m first!
This here alligator’s not afraid to drain the swamp
Clear away the dead-beats
and pretenders in one chomp
Not to say, in any way, I’ve acted out of turn
Just that being awesome
Is an A you have to earn
How can I subdue the mighty power in these jaws?
Strongest in the world, they are,
With teeth as sharp as claws
Even if the flies are right
To cloud me with suspicion
Nowhere was it written down, “Don’t eat the competition.”
So, why overthink it? Pick a winner in this fight
Others, they may bark a lot
I’m all about the BITE!
B
BOWERBIRD
Welcome to my bower, friends,
Cue lights and raise the curtain!
You will not have met a bird like me,
Of that I’m certain
Master-builder, set-designer
Impresario
Spending time (but not a dime)
To mount the perfect show
First I gather branches
With the shape and size that serve me
Then I weave-in twigs and leaves;
You’re welcome to observe me
Sea shells, flowers, berries, stones
Supply the decoration
Shiny things that catch my eye—
I love improvisation!
Once the stage is brightly-set
And not a second sooner
I begin my solo act
For I’m the finest crooner
Moving on from song to dance
I let my feathers guide me
Ballet, tap or jazz-wings,
I express the mood inside me!
Who else on this campaign trail
Will dazzle you with color?
—Build a bower? —Mount a show?
Not likely! They’re much duller.
So, before the curtain falls
(I know I’m getting wordy)
Vote for Razzle-Dazzle and
The only show-biz birdie!
CAT
C
Oh sweet pea,
come closer,
I'll nuzzle your leg.
I've seen how you smile when I purr.
Oh poppet,
come pet me,
and let me roll back.
Your fingers are drawn to my fur.
Oh darling,
don't fight it,
you know that I'm cute.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to gloat.
But truly,
my love-bug,
It will be unjust,
If I lose the popular vote.
D
DENDROGRAMMA ENIGMATICA
We've only just
been classified.
Siphonophore's are cool!
You're bound to be
the very first
to mention us
at school.
We look a lot
like mushrooms—
not shitake,
chanterelle.
(Although we are
translucent and
without a fruity smell.)
You find us in
the ocean
even though
we cannot swim.
We drift way
at the bottom,
where the light is
very dim.
A little bit
like jelly
and the top end
of a hammer.
It's time to vote
for something new,
so vote for
Dendrogramma!
ELEPHANT
E
E is for elephant
That’s what you’re told
When you are small
And not many years old
Then you learn color
I’m blue or I’m pink
Followed by sizes
I’m biggest, I think!
Now you are older
You’re brave and you’re smart
I hope I still earn
A place in your heart
Friendship is special
And elephants grieve
Every time one of our herd
Has to leave
So, don’t forget
You’ve a friend in this race
Vote for a mammal
Too dear to replace
F
FROG
My skin is moist and slippery
and armed with toxic goo.
My eyes sink in their sockets
when I swallow.
Peekaboo!
I stick my tongue out brazenly
when flies come into view
Then gobble them voraciously
not bothering to chew.
Your parents may not like me much.
You know what I say? Phew!
I bet they think I'll give'em warts.
They haven't got a clue.
But I don't think you think alike,
we're different, me and you.
That's why I want to get your vote
and make those grown ups “ew!”
ILI PIKA
I
Once upon a while ago, in 1983
A scientist went climbing high
His name was Weldon Li
He climbed the Tianshan Mountains
That’s in China—to the north
And paused to take some photographs
When something cute sprang forth
A rabbit? No. A hamster! Well,
More like a teddy bear
No sooner than he’d spotted me
I vanished in thin air
Now this was quite some time ago
Well over thirty years
But since then he has scarcely glimpsed
My darling bunny ears
For all the high-tech cameras
He’s strewn about, like traps
The most he’s ever got from me
Is one or two more snaps
For I enjoy my scarcity, its given me a power
The whole world wants to look at me
I’m Pika of the Hour!
So why not join our cat-and-mouse
Our game of hide-and-seek
Each vote that you bestow on me
I’ll grant you one more peak
(...Or will I?)
J
JELLYFISH
Spineless, yes
But fearless, too
I freely float
Through oceans blue
Amassing in
the warmer swells
A swarm of trailing, stinging cells
And with no heart
And with no brain
I go about inflicting pain
No wrestling with wrong or right
I live to feed my appetite
Obligingly
the ocean serves
A water-world
of fresh hors d’oeuvres
Now am I not,
my land-bound friends
Transparent
in my selfish ends?
I do not claim
a higher cause
But I am worthy
of applause
For is there not a majesty
In seeing one as strange as me?
And really, what is scarier
Than millions of cnidaria?
So give to me my just deserts
And vote the floating bag that hurts!
N
NUDIBRANCH
You’ve met a lot of animals in this race
After me, you’ll meet many more
So, how to remember this splendid sea slug when it comes time to vote?
​
The brain’s a funny thing
You know that experiment?
Do NOT picture a polar bear
And of course, you picture the bear
(Of course you do)
​
Well, try this:
​
Picture Frank
In the nude
Don’t know a Frank?
Make him up!
​
Now what would you call that fellow?
“NudiFrank”
Now switch the F for a B
And you’ve got me!
​
(It’s ‘brank’ like bank,
not branch like tree, you see)
​
That, my friends, is how its done!
I’ve as good as won.
Right?
P
PANGOLIN
“What about the pangolin?”
I said,
I said it meekly.
“Wouldn't you consider us?”
I dared to offer,
weakly.
“Why do all you little ones prefer those great big brats?
Those stark and fearsome sharks and crocodiles and great big cats—
those grizzly bears and elephants and, oh, don't get me started—
those dinosaurs with silly names who’re dead and long departed.”
My voice got louder as I blamed
the media at large,
for picking the predictable
parade to lead the charge.
“We are the only mammals
with these scales upon our skin.
Really, we're exceptional!” my patience wearing thin.
“It's high time they promote us in more movies and more books,
there've been enough on penguins—and quite honestly, they're crooks
Give us our own entries, our own chapters, our own sections!
How about a page in those
photicular collections?
Let the people know that we are creatures of distinction.
Get the message out before we're driven to EXTINCTION!”
I'd like to say that I was brave,
delivering this rant,
but I was only speaking to
a tiny little ant
...which I then ate.
Q
QUEEN SNAKE
Let me see…
I bribed a Quetzal with a pretzel
Scared a Quoll with a troll
Flicked my tail at a Quail
And locked a Quokka in a locker
Am I missing anybody?
Oh yes, I told the Quahog to shut his clam
Think I’m poisoning the election?
Not so—I have no venom.
I did this to avert a terrible mistake.
Without me, this race would have no snake!
Now that, my non-reptilian friends, would be a crime!
T
TARSIER
Relax.
Breathe deeply.
Look into my eyes.
Look deep into my eyes.
You are starting to feel sleepy.
Very sleepy.
Focus on my voice.
Accept my words.
The best candidate by far,
Is Tarsier
Tarsier
Tarsier
Tarsier.
When I snap my fingers
you will feel wide-awake,
fully alert, and ready to vote.
Okay, you can open your aye-ayes.
(A bit of primate humor.)
U
UNICORN FISH
It may seem a little fishy
It may seem like a mistake
You may think that you are dreaming but I promise, you’re awake
You can find me in the corals
See me shimmer in the light
When you’re snorkeling above me, I’m a very magic sight
If you’re looking for a legend
I’m the answer to your wish
I’m an algae-feeding, living breeding
Unicorn fish!
W
WORM
The worm may seem a humble thing,
when wriggling in the dirt.
No doubt you've squashed a few of us,
assuming it wont hurt.
Perhaps when you were small and savage,
moving in a pack,
you chopped us up with sticks and spades
to see if we'd grow back.
And just because we're blind,
you might have thought we're also dumb.
If so, you have a lot of prejudice to overcome!
Our slithering and burrowing is vital for the soil,
combining all the nutrients together as we toil.
Care about the planet? We're organic as can be:
shredding leaves and grinding grit,
recycling debris!
We're truly indispensable
—yes, we can use big words—
remove us from the food chain, you'll have more than angry birds.
(Just ask your Mr. Darwin if we matter to your species,
he wrote a great big book about our habits and our feces.)
So when you come to vote, I would remind you that the worm
has always been a friend of yours, a fact you can affirm…
At. The. Polls.
X
XISOPHURA
(HORSE SHOE CRAB)
I’ve been around a long, long time,
and boy, I’ve seen it all
Fish emerging onto land
and learning how to crawl
Dinosaurs evolving feathers,
shedding off their scales
Mammals slipping back in water,
turning into whales
It all happens very slowly,
change is nothing new
Weather shifts and asteroids—
they shake things up, its true
Even after mass extinctions,
stragglers survive
My kind are tenacious and
somehow we stay alive
So, against this backdrop
and amidst the endless jostle
Give a vote for this old crab,
a so-called ‘living fossil’
Z
ZEBRA
Zebra fish
And Zebra Cobra
Cheapening my name
Zebra loach
And Zebra mussels
Putting stripes to shame
Zebra Batifish
Zebra Longwings
Countless copycats
Zebra Duiker
Zebra Mule
What’s next, Zebra Bats?
None of these imposters have my elegance, my poise
Stand me in a crowd of beasts, I stand out from the noise
I am the original, the classic, shall we say
Black and white and done just right
So vote for me, okay?
